This attic in my mind continues to require so much attention.  When I think I have gotten a handle on the dust, all of a sudden it’s like a small puppy jumps on a cloth chair that has been sitting there in the corner of the attic for who know how long, and “poof” a cloud of dust tries to engulf me.  Luckily, the habits and focus I have been developing are helping to move me through it in a much quicker and positive manner.

This past week we traveled to visit with family for an after-Christmas and New Year’s Eve celebration. I was able to schedule in my Sunday webinar class without too much resistance, which was great!  I felt very excited about the week and I chose enthusiasm as my first virtue to focus on this week.  I feel like it is a weakness of mine due to blaming that trait just weeks ago for my sluggish forward movement; although I have found out since then that my uncertainty and struggle is fairly common at this stage of the experience. Then I got into my week, which provided many struggles in finding the enthusiasm I was seeking.  I was looking at the surface at first.  Small town Illinois, during the gray, blah winter. No one particularly happy with their jobs or careers.  We were getting to meet our new daughter-in-law after they were married, instead of before.  My mother-in-law is not in good health, which affects those that live with and care for her on a regular basis.  A close family member was going into failure after a surgery and would pass away while we were on our trip.  The beginning of the week started out bleak and slow, with only a few notices a day. There was that “poof” of dust.

But with focus and some masterminding, I changed how I was looking at each day, and those around me.  My son is enthusiastically in love with his new wife and they are planning a wedding for spring to celebrate their union.  Mom was happy to see us and was playful with Tim.  My brother-in-law was enthusiastic about learning a new game.  The parents of my new daughter-in-law were enthusiastic to meet us. They were sweet and seem to really like our son.  My parents were enthusiastically watching the weather that could affect our drive home.  My daughter was enthusiastically caring for our home and pets, as she had to work and could not come with us.  And family was sincere in their concern over my possible/eventual loss.

Upon our return home, things began to clear and lift.  I pulled the definition to help me focus correctly, and I reminded myself I can consciously apply any feeling to a thought I chose.  One of my goals is to explore and improve my health, while building the health and wellness sector of my business. I ended my week at a seminar which was geared to helping me do that.  The enthusiasm of the speaker, as well as those on my team who attended was a breath of fresh air that I inhaled and thus wish to demonstrate more to myself and others.  So many times in the past, I have seen enthusiasm as either a passion someone had that I had not found yet or something fake that people turned on with an agenda.  I am no longer feeling this way.   My life is a miracle and I can choose to be enthusiastic about all that it holds for me, even those things that seem a struggle or a sadness.  Each moment holds a promise of further growth.  That knowledge is exciting!!

Master Key Experience Part 15.7                                                                                                         All conditions and experiences that come to us do so for our benefit. Difficulties and obstacles will continue to come until we absorb their wisdom and gather from them the essentials of further growth.

There is so much good stuff in part 15, that I will be reviewing on going.  This has been a long week, yet it has ended on a positive, enthusiastic happy note.  Happy New Year to all!!

 

 

At the beginning of the week, Tim and I watched the movie “Wild”.  This was a choice of movies for an assignment this week.  Such good timing for me based upon my life the week before.  Tim had seen it before, and he said it reminded him of something I might do.  In the movie, the main character, Cheryl, grows up with a mom that is always about growing and focuses on joy no matter her difficult path in life.  Cheryl, on the other hand, looks at life a little more pessimistically.  When her mom dies, quickly and unexpectedly from cancer,  Cheryl spirals out of control and destroys her current life.  Once she hits a bottom, she realizes she wants to “walk ” herself back to the person her mother would be proud of.  She wants to be the legacy her mother created. She decides to walk the Pacific Crest Trail.  This is a several month hike through the desert of California and into the mountains that lead up to Canada. She goes by herself, with limited experience, but a ton of persistence.  She has too heavy a pack or “load”, and while on the journey she must eliminate both physical things from the pack, as well as, wrong ways of thinking towards her mom and her life.  I have come across a song that reminds to do that for myself.

Birdtalker – “Heavy”  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G593C0Tc934

She finds the Liberty to create the world that supports her entire future.  She uses these months to find a new way of being, just as we are doing here in the master key experience.  So many times, she feels she has taken on more than she can endure, however, she continues one step at a time.  I am like Cheryl, in that I am moving one step at a time, towards more of the true person that I am.  I may not be walking the PCT physically, but I am truly on the trail to a more powerful, purposeful and loving me!!

This week several lines from our reading came to life, but not in the most positive of ways.  Or maybe it was.  In the Master Key part 13.18 it states, ” If we are happy ourselves we can make others happy.” And in 13.24, ” A happy thought cannot exist in an unhappy consciousness; therefore the consciousness must change”  I have found that where I am in my career is anything but happy.  The last few years have lulled me into complacency as it is an OK way to make money.  But my students and I both deserve better than that.

I found myself in a negative loop….As a kindergarten teacher, the week before Christmas break is at best chaotic.  But this year I have several discipline problems in my class, making things even more complicated on an everyday basis without the excitement of the holidays.  I now know for sure I no longer wish to be in the classroom, and I am mad at myself for not having the patience and ability to make an impact on these students. I’ve always been able to reach the one or two that needed so much more of me than the others, but this year there are five super needy students, two of which throw yelling fits. I have no aide, and little to no support from parents or admin.  I love each child separately, but as a whole group. Ugh!  Blah, blah, blah I went on.

By Wednesday, I found myself feeling hate and despair for my situation.  Then I got mad at myself for feeling hate of any kind, making the despair even worse.  To add to my turmoil, I realized after 12 weeks in this program, I wasn’t transformed.?.  (LOL…what does that look like?) So many programs are based on 12 weeks to major changes.  Was my old blueprint winning?  No, that can’t be.  I know too much.  I blamed enthusiasm, which has always been hard for me.  Was I ever going to get it and make real changes?  My sweet husband encouraged me that I had made a lot of progress and changes.  That this is my path, and I am taking the steps.  The gal in the mirror wasn’t convinced.  I needed to do better! I was so tired! A small pity party ensued for about an hour.

Then I saw the line that would pull me through.  In The Greatest Salesman Scroll III it is stated that  “I – avoid despair but if this disease of the mind should infect me then I will work on in despair.  I – toil and I – endure.  I ignore the obstacles at my feet and keep mine eyes on the goals above my head, for I know that where dry desert ends, green grass grows.”

It gave me hope and my world began to improve almost immediately.  Tim and I spoke about next year, and agreed it is time to move on from this career to the next which will be more aligned with my true purpose.  I choose harmony, alignment and HAPPINESS!

This week started with an exercise in the mirror.  When it was discussed, I felt I had missed something.  We were to read our 1 sentence purpose for a full 50 minutes.  Could that be right? But the time he gave us to return was 50 minutes away, so I guess I’d do it.  First of all standing at the bathroom mirror looking at myself & saying  my sentence,  all I could do was pick on my feature’s, this is wrong, that is wrong—STOP—–You read the Gal in the Glass every night, and you like her —why are you doing this?  You like you!            So changing tactics I started telling myself    ” I love you, and you are a beautiful person”  This changed the whole  feeling for me. I wrote my sentence differently several times for as I stated it over and over,  it evolved into something better!  The energy became amazing as I repeated my sentence.  I was up & down, singing it, laughing and enjoying. It was a great experience!

Nevertheless, hesitation and reluctance to answer the call raised their ugly heads. For the next couple of days the “old blueprint” attempted to reestablish itself and got me out of the flow and consistency of my exercises. But thank God for the strength he gave me to push forward.  I worked it like a to do list, but that allowed me to still be in process.

Borrowing a phrase for Og Mandino’s, Scroll III, “So long as there is breath is me, that long will I persist. For now I know one of the greatest principles of success; if I persist long enough I will win. I will persist. I will win.”

 

An exercise within the Master Key comes to mind this week.  One where we take an image of a battleship, then reverse into where the ship was built, how the parts were fabricated, the steel created, the appropriations secured, the House members voted upon, and then back to ourselves as the voter.  The process of reverse engineering or “battleshipping” has to be done with anything you want to occur, including cleaning out this attic or creating a new way of being and doing for the remainder of my life. My subconcious doesn’t register size.  With anything I need a clear end goal vision.

I was so excited by the new discoveries I made last week, and ideas were streaming quite nicely.   I realized I want to lead adventure trips, which means I have to be in a physical state of being to do adventure activities such as hiking, biking or scuba.  This led to some ideas of how to create a business group based on encouraging others to explore health and fitness with me as I grow into the person who can handle the fitness level requirements for such trips.  Unfortunately, I had just gotten to the ideas and end goal images, when my old blueprint started to remind me how far from that person I might be.  Then, excited and supportive for my insights, my husband asked what my plan was, in order to be of assistance.  At this moment, I nose-dived.  I didn’t have a plan yet.  I didn’t even have a belief yet.  Just a “wow, I want to do that”.   I hadn’t crossed the veil of make-believe into a new reality.  I panicked.  What if I never had a plan?

I  spent the next two days not feeling well, overwhelmed by discipline problems in my class at school and not looking for a plan.  I was being too tired to do more than the required.  Luckily for me, these days the required includes time to read and sit with the positives of the Master Key Experience.  This habit pulled me through and I began to go back to “battleshipping” this new life I want for myself. There are many skills I will have to improve in order to set my life on this path I am envisioning, as well as, to be able to enroll others to support and explore or participate with me.  But I believe more today than yesterday, and I will continue with the Law of Growth.  As I believe, so shall I see!

An attic has so many personal treasures you think you might remember being there, but when you come across them, they feel like something you never seen before.  A new perspective on a dust covered dream or something you have never really seen for yourself before.  It sparks a new desire that could lead to a burn you have never experienced or believed was who you were.   But maybe it always has been the who you are.  That is exactly what I am discovering.

This week, I participated in the “Find my Purpose” activity to help us clarify or expand on the work we have already done.   I felt excited at first, and was able to create the stacks of index cards required for characteristics I embody and the activities I enjoy. I then, however, became overwhelmed by the card puzzle activity, and found nothing was clicking. The next day, I found some relief as during my yoga class memories flooded in that gave me my activity as a  noun… explorer.  I am at peace with this, and it explains why so often I feel out of sorts.  I am an explorer, so “standing still” becomes ancy and out of harmony.  After many tries with the characteristic cards and no certainty,  I let it go. The next morning during my sit, it was revealed that encouraging others is and has always been a strength that benefits myself and others. And I could encourage others to explore with me as I go through life.  I love this.  Now to apply what I have discovered to how I have been living my life, and how I want to empower my future self.

It was insightful to see how when I press for the completion of an assignment, sometimes I resist. I become overwhelmed, unsure if I have what is required to complete it.  But with relaxation and connection I know that I do, and I know how to find the answers. So when we took it a step further, and created a pile of wants, then sorted them into life area stacks, then quickly chose a pile that we want to focus on right now,  I relaxed and went with it.  No judgments, no time to analyze, just chose based on heart.  So cool that I did it, but I was blown away by the results.  I chose spirituality with health as my focus.  Over the years, I have had many health issues, so of course, my improving health and spiritual connection would be a focus.  But the wants and ideas in the pile went far beyond the necessary supplements or time for prayer.  Meditation retreats, Bikram yoga, journaling and giving trees.  Good physical fitness to do events and adventure trips. To let go of weight that is labeled obese, but that I have just accepted as part of who I am.  To explore true health and To encourage others to be a part of these transformations and even to create income around that.

I have always thought these things would be nice.  But I didn’t believe it for myself. “I have always been sickly.”  I like comfort, sleep, and chips with queso.  But my true self has been whispering to me for years.  Maybe it is time to answer the call!!

This week we moved into a deeper understanding of the science behind all of the activities we have been asked to participate in.  I felt a window open and the fresh air fill the spaces in this attic of my being.  This most incredible mechanism is mine to operate.  I found myself excited by the science of the connections between the two hemispheres of the brain over the corpus callosum.  I shared this information with several people who couldn’t quite make the connections.  But it still tickled me that although this process is allowing me the tools to empower my future, it’s not fluff, it is science.  I am a yellow personality, which means I love having fun and fellowship.  However, my second color, white, is so close that I sometime judge just having fun as foolish unless combined with something solid for purpose.  BAM!  The Master Key Experience is both!!  I am having fun, and it is scientifically allowing me to view where I am and to create something different for my future!

My Thanksgiving Day was a good test of my new response ability.  I hosted my extended family, and was unfazed or unaware of any slights made or jabs at my expense.  This was different from just weeks before when a relative came through for a visit.  I felt love for and from everyone there.  It was a good day!  I choose to have my days be more of this new way of being, therefore my new way of doing.  Operator error has left me with several poor habits that have colored my world in negative ways that go against my true nature, but with practice I am strengthening my operator performance setting a new standard of expectation and optimism. I am grateful!  And wish many blessings to all!

This week, I finally began to see how all the pieces and assignments were working together within the Master Key Experience for my good.  I completed the personal video which I enjoy listening to.  I t makes me smile at the end where I say, “I always keep my promises. Love ya, Angie S”.   I read the 7 day Mental Diet, and got a better handle on a positive outlook.  In the book, Master Key System, Part 8 began with a focus on how Good and Bad/Evil are just labels placed upon how we use our thought as action.  “If your thought is constructive and harmonious, the result will be good, if your thought is destructive or inharmonious, the results will be evil.”  That gave me quite a bit to ponder.  I have always looked at situations and people’s responses as good or bad, including my own, based on how my family thought.  Again this week,  I was feeling uncertain by not knowing if my funk was good or bad.  I was reminded in the course it is whatever feeling I assign it!  So I let it go as neither.  I felt such relief not worrying about the label.  I realized I do have more control than I have ever taken.  So much of my life has been full of unwanted things strung together with a slow, steady inching towards things wanted.  I could never figure out the path to faster fruition of things wanted.  I love the good, but to hate the bad seemed to make sense and be my fallback behavior. But it has been a path of resistance and discord and slowed my movement toward a life desired.  I am to hate nothing, to not entertain negative thoughts.  To cast them off as they come, to not get caught up in the net of them.

As scroll II of The Greatest Salesman states,”I will greet this day with love in my heart.”  I will love all things, as well as myself.  I am beginning to see the light break on this new way of being that will have a positive impact on myself, my family and my whole world.

Talk about a funk!  I had been dealing with residual feelings and judgement of myself from last weekend’s encounters all week.  And this week was all about eliminating negativity from our daily life.  Looking back over the last few days, I have to laugh.

I seem to make things so hard for myself.  I sank into a negative swamp of my own making.  I observed it, but found it difficult to overcome. Which led to more judgement.  What a cycle.  I know my ego wants me to let go like I have so many times in the past. To release the pressure.  To rest!  What it doesn’t understand is I’m all in.  I will find my true self, no matter the pain between here and there.  I am overcoming habits that have not served me.  Nothing bad in eyes of the world, yet so bad for the person I say I want to be.

I did my exercises, yet could not complete an internal conversation with a friend.  It took most of the week to actually meet a friend in my mind at a coffee shop. One I felt confident would be happy for me as I told her of my adventure to Bliss.  I think this is a judgement/opinion.  I feel I am stuck in week 6 with the no opinions exercise.  It’s like Groundhog Day.  I am usually known for my go with the flow attitude,  yet since the exercise was brought to my attention I have noticed nothing but opinions and judgement.   I am a great manifestor.  Now, if I can just get that power on my side.

One of goals is that I am healthy and strong!  I have been exhausted and sleeping a lot lately.  This week, I returned to hot yoga because my balance was suffering from the absence, and I also took a break from some unhealthy intake habits.  Feeling better!

Also, the scroll II of Greatest Salesman has finally made a break into my being.  Today, I broke through the funk and fell back into His arms.  I love that my Creator loves me, even when I’m not sure I love myself.  With His power, I will love myself, which will allow me to shower His love on others.  Or is it, with His power, I will shower His love on others, which will allow me to love myself?  Love is the Power!

One of the many assignments for the week, was to choose to withdraw opinions from our words and then from our minds.  This releases time and energy that is wasted in ways that are useless to both others and especially ourselves.  I was working through the week in a way that felt productive and with little opinions.  Then on Thursday, things started feeling more opinionated and uncomfortable, without a clear reason I could see.

And then it happened, it was like stepping on a rusty nail.  A misunderstanding. A family drama.  A hurt incurred to me.  Opinions swirled, and then spiraled.  I not only lost control of my opinions about how the situation was handled, but I lost control of my emotions.   I became terribly hurt, and that effected me badly.   I became septic to myself, and it took all weekend to get that straightened out. The antibiotic was to release resistance and opinions.  But that took a smack of circumstance to bring me into line.

I spent Saturday as an observer of the damage that your opinions and attitudes can create for yourself.  No one was hurt in the making of this drama except for myself.  Much was learned, and many changes in thought were made that will have a positive impact on the habits of my life.  These new habits will be the foundation for life that I am now creating in my mind for my tomorrow.  Much love to my family, old and new!