My week has been full of movement without a lot of pressure from me to move it.  My Ben Franklin makeover word this week was courage, the ability to do something that frightens you.   How suiting when the Master Key Part 19 spoke about fear and its physical effects on a person.  I have had many struggles with fear throughout my life. The one’s I saw as outside of me I handled with courage like standing up to a bully for another, getting in trouble to help a friend, traveling alone or even fighting cancer.  However, most of my fears were self-created in my attic based on my judgments about the judgments of others towards me.  Now that’s a crazy merry-go-round.  One that has made me sick on several occasions.   These fears found a place to live in my mind and they took hold of my choices and actions, creating awkward gaps in my creation called life.  Over the last few months,I have been methodically shining the light on them and sweeping at them with love and courage.  Part of my DMP states, ” I am courageous in my choices.  I give up living by the judgments and expectations of others.  I give love to myself, which in turn allows me to give more love to others.”  This is beginning to take hold and becoming more of who I am.  On Monday, I watched “Finding Joe”  about Joseph Campbell and his work with a pattern hidden in every story throughout time, the hero’s journey.  The hero is called, he must answer the call, he must pass through the abyss, and he must slay “his” dragon. Then he can return and share his journey with others.  I know I am on that journey, just some days I’m not sure what part.  I know there is a dragon and it’s in the back of the attic in the shadows, but courageously I move forward.

I have recently decided to move on from my kindergarten position, and explore other areas.  I have received positive feedback from everyone I’ve talked to, including family members I thought might be concerned about our finances. This week I was notified that my room would be used for a new Montessori class, and that I would be moving all the materials out to another smaller room.  Perfect timing to just move my things home. In the last two days, I have chosen a real estate school to get my licence and have been in training for my internet business.

I talked to several folks about my business this week.  And although that is still hitting a few fear walls,  I pushed a bit back into activity.  I also attended a seminar with Big Al Schreiter on Tuesday, which was about talking to people in a way that relaxes everyone including me.  He was so insightful, as well as funny, I know I will look more into his work.  Also I loved the Ted Talk by Amy Cuddy about the power pose study.  A power pose done in private for 2 mins. can change your hormone levels to increase testosterone(confidence) and lower cortisol (stress).  Gives you courage just when you need it most and trains your brain to take that physical cue on demand.  I need that extra courage when talking to others and being enthusiastic about my decisions.  I saw this last year on a sitcom called “Odd Mom Out”.  Should have started using it then.  LOL

As they say in the Hero’s Journey, I have a dragon to slay and a little courage might be required.  So here’s to good habits of thought and power.  And a wonder woman pose for extra luck.

Funny how life can set you up.  I’ve experienced a death recently and we have been reading obituaries leading into Og Mandino’s Scroll V, “I will live this day as if it is my last.”  Then right there in the middle of it all, we celebrate the 100th day of school by dressing up as a centurion.  It was a playful day for kindergarten, but a bit more thoughtful for myself.  So few of us really make it that long, so now must be our moment to be our very best version of ourselves.  I want this moment to count for more, therefore I must be willing to be more.  First in my attic, then to the world at large.

As of late, I have found it harder to do my sit.  With it being February, I am dealing with intense Cedar allergies, and a need for more sunlight. I have found that the early morning when I was doing the sit is too difficult to stay awake.  Therefore, I am doing it later in the day, but it is not focused much.  I see my future self in a wisp of memory, then she is gone.  What did she look like? How was she dressed? Why does she elude me so.  It is like a home of mice is disturbed in the midst of my meditation and my thoughts go everywhere trying to chase them.  Tangents here and there; I stop and breathe and try to remember where I was, but I am lost again.  I am remembering the Law of Practice as I try again with the Law of Relaxation.  I want this attic mess cleaned up so bad, that I forget to relax and end up making a bigger mess.

I relaxed and enjoyed friends at a Super Bowl party.  There it is, what makes life bigger and fuller. The people and relationships.  I connected and let them know they are loved as my friends.  I felt joy.  It was a good day!  Maybe my practice is paying off.

My character word this week was self-control and I found this attic of my mind takes so much work.  It takes an effort to control your thoughts and give yourself your best life.  I have always had pretty good self-control over my social behaviors, such as drugs or gambling.  These are not my thing.  I’ve become aware that my thing might be half-empty thinking and being a turtle (slow to get things done).  Bummer   Don’t get me wrong, I do a lot when I want to and I work hard at my job as a kindergarten teacher, so when I can I want to rest.   But,  I rest a lot.  I have the self-control to go to work and do a good job, but sometimes personal things fall short.  I don’t go to yoga like I should.  I don’t always do all the self-care things I want to, and I don’t forward my business like I know I could with a little more effort. Also I have a history of illness and I never quite allow myself to be fully well, which slows me down even more. For example,  I love hot baths and need them for some muscle conditions associated with an autoimmune thing I have.  Right now, I consider that my spa lifestyle, so I indulge is this form of “me” time.  I just don’t get a lot done outside of my job and a few social encounters.  That does not benefit my future me, but I know it takes self-control to remember that and move myself forward.

The future me is active and happy exploring new ideas and places.  Tomorrow I go hiking in a local reserve.  I will move myself closer to the person I see in my dreams, but first I have to make myself get up and enjoy the journey.  My husband teased I needed to get a smaller glass, so I could pour it in and my glass would be full.  Yes and No.  I want a bigger life and I want it to be full.  This means working on my positive mental diet and growing into a full BIG glass.

In our webcast we spoke about giving ourselves permission to change, to be happy.   I’m glad this idea of permission was brought up.  I had not thought about it before, but realized I really needed to do that in order to move forward successfully.  The first earnest permission I gave myself lasted a few days, then I found myself holding back again.  Again I give with love and permission.

I have hit the abyss in the hero’s journey. I can not go back, but I have yet to go forward. I must decide to answer the call.  I am making progress with self-control and this attic in my mind is getting a complete make over.  I love redecorating. 🙂

This past week was so long.  I did not feel well, and was dealing with a health cycle that wears on me repeatedly.  In turn, I found myself questioning things about my health goals for my future self?  Was I capable of these things or did I even want them?  What was I doing to make forward movement on my dreams?  I seemed to be going in the wrong direction.  But wait!!

As I continue to read from The Greatest Salesman, Chapter 11, I am revived.

“I am nature’s greatest miracle.  …for I was conceived in love and brought forth with a purpose.  And nature knows not defeat.  Eventually, she emerges victorious and so will I, and with each victory the next struggle becomes less difficult.”

“I concentrate my energy on the challenge of the moment and my actions help me forget all else.”

My virtue for the week was decisiveness, and I practiced on smaller things, such as what  we were to eat or a movie to watch or going to a local business meeting despite my iffy health.  I planned out a week of shakes and ways I could feel better.  On a larger note, I witnessed people’s approval on my decision to change careers, making this my last year as a kindergarten teacher.

That decision has been made, however, the what comes next decision has not. This is where the challenge of the moment hits me.  I have a vision of a healthy me, traveling, experiencing adventures, and working several businesses from home.  Now I have to decide on actions that can build this dream while completing my commitment to my students and school district.  I must decide how to begin.  My actions will help me forget all else. I have struggled recently trying to gain insight on the next step that I can get excited about.  I know I have tried too hard and stepped in my own way on several occasions.  I will continue on this journey focusing on the Law of Relaxation in order to have concentrated effort that will allow intuitive perception and immediate insights into what is the next right step. The Master Key , Part 17.6

So I finally sit down to blog my progress, after a long tricky week.  Our focus virtue during week 16 was kindness, which I experienced in tremendous amounts as I dealt with the death of a close family member.  The staff at my school were all very kind in words and deeds.  My friends and family stepped up to help as we made plans to go to Kansas City for the funeral.  We made the trip and my cousin was so kind and hospitable to open her home to us for the weekend.  Kindnesses flowed to me easily and I received it with a Thank You.  I felt love and kindness surround me with a big hug.

However, there was “a trip on the rug”.  During the week, we were not only to mastermind about the kindnesses we experienced, but also the kindnesses we gave to others.  Although I observed kindnesses that I gave to my husband, my daughter, my team and my students, I was kinda weirded out about how hard it was to create random acts of kindness where no one knew (also part of the assignment). I’m not sure if it is the routine of my life, or the fact I didn’t do much out in public, or if I am a hair bit selfish.  No matter the reason, a light has been shown and I am more aware of the difference it makes in my life and the lives of others.  So I have really made a conscious effort to up my kindness not only to myself, but also to others.  This made a great impact on the weekend reconnecting with some family and dealing with loss.  Although we were all there for a tragic reason, encountered an extreme snowstorm in KC and lost electricity for the entire weekend, (expect for one hour before the services which allowed us to do our hair, lol), we were asked by the deceased to no fuss, to fellowship, to love and to laugh.  And that is what we did!  In kindeness, he is remembered!

This attic in my mind continues to require so much attention.  When I think I have gotten a handle on the dust, all of a sudden it’s like a small puppy jumps on a cloth chair that has been sitting there in the corner of the attic for who know how long, and “poof” a cloud of dust tries to engulf me.  Luckily, the habits and focus I have been developing are helping to move me through it in a much quicker and positive manner.

This past week we traveled to visit with family for an after-Christmas and New Year’s Eve celebration. I was able to schedule in my Sunday webinar class without too much resistance, which was great!  I felt very excited about the week and I chose enthusiasm as my first virtue to focus on this week.  I feel like it is a weakness of mine due to blaming that trait just weeks ago for my sluggish forward movement; although I have found out since then that my uncertainty and struggle is fairly common at this stage of the experience. Then I got into my week, which provided many struggles in finding the enthusiasm I was seeking.  I was looking at the surface at first.  Small town Illinois, during the gray, blah winter. No one particularly happy with their jobs or careers.  We were getting to meet our new daughter-in-law after they were married, instead of before.  My mother-in-law is not in good health, which affects those that live with and care for her on a regular basis.  A close family member was going into failure after a surgery and would pass away while we were on our trip.  The beginning of the week started out bleak and slow, with only a few notices a day. There was that “poof” of dust.

But with focus and some masterminding, I changed how I was looking at each day, and those around me.  My son is enthusiastically in love with his new wife and they are planning a wedding for spring to celebrate their union.  Mom was happy to see us and was playful with Tim.  My brother-in-law was enthusiastic about learning a new game.  The parents of my new daughter-in-law were enthusiastic to meet us. They were sweet and seem to really like our son.  My parents were enthusiastically watching the weather that could affect our drive home.  My daughter was enthusiastically caring for our home and pets, as she had to work and could not come with us.  And family was sincere in their concern over my possible/eventual loss.

Upon our return home, things began to clear and lift.  I pulled the definition to help me focus correctly, and I reminded myself I can consciously apply any feeling to a thought I chose.  One of my goals is to explore and improve my health, while building the health and wellness sector of my business. I ended my week at a seminar which was geared to helping me do that.  The enthusiasm of the speaker, as well as those on my team who attended was a breath of fresh air that I inhaled and thus wish to demonstrate more to myself and others.  So many times in the past, I have seen enthusiasm as either a passion someone had that I had not found yet or something fake that people turned on with an agenda.  I am no longer feeling this way.   My life is a miracle and I can choose to be enthusiastic about all that it holds for me, even those things that seem a struggle or a sadness.  Each moment holds a promise of further growth.  That knowledge is exciting!!

Master Key Experience Part 15.7                                                                                                         All conditions and experiences that come to us do so for our benefit. Difficulties and obstacles will continue to come until we absorb their wisdom and gather from them the essentials of further growth.

There is so much good stuff in part 15, that I will be reviewing on going.  This has been a long week, yet it has ended on a positive, enthusiastic happy note.  Happy New Year to all!!

At the beginning of the week, Tim and I watched the movie “Wild”.  This was a choice of movies for an assignment this week.  Such good timing for me based upon my life the week before.  Tim had seen it before, and he said it reminded him of something I might do.  In the movie, the main character, Cheryl, grows up with a mom that is always about growing and focuses on joy no matter her difficult path in life.  Cheryl, on the other hand, looks at life a little more pessimistically.  When her mom dies, quickly and unexpectedly from cancer,  Cheryl spirals out of control and destroys her current life.  Once she hits a bottom, she realizes she wants to “walk ” herself back to the person her mother would be proud of.  She wants to be the legacy her mother created. She decides to walk the Pacific Crest Trail.  This is a several month hike through the desert of California and into the mountains that lead up to Canada. She goes by herself, with limited experience, but a ton of persistence.  She has too heavy a pack or “load”, and while on the journey she must eliminate both physical things from the pack, as well as, wrong ways of thinking towards her mom and her life.  I have come across a song that reminds to do that for myself.

Birdtalker – “Heavy”  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G593C0Tc934

She finds the Liberty to create the world that supports her entire future.  She uses these months to find a new way of being, just as we are doing here in the master key experience.  So many times, she feels she has taken on more than she can endure, however, she continues one step at a time.  I am like Cheryl, in that I am moving one step at a time, towards more of the true person that I am.  I may not be walking the PCT physically, but I am truly on the trail to a more powerful, purposeful and loving me!!

This week several lines from our reading came to life, but not in the most positive of ways.  Or maybe it was.  In the Master Key part 13.18 it states, ” If we are happy ourselves we can make others happy.” And in 13.24, ” A happy thought cannot exist in an unhappy consciousness; therefore the consciousness must change”  I have found that where I am in my career is anything but happy.  The last few years have lulled me into complacency as it is an OK way to make money.  But my students and I both deserve better than that.

I found myself in a negative loop….As a kindergarten teacher, the week before Christmas break is at best chaotic.  But this year I have several discipline problems in my class, making things even more complicated on an everyday basis without the excitement of the holidays.  I now know for sure I no longer wish to be in the classroom, and I am mad at myself for not having the patience and ability to make an impact on these students. I’ve always been able to reach the one or two that needed so much more of me than the others, but this year there are five super needy students, two of which throw yelling fits. I have no aide, and little to no support from parents or admin.  I love each child separately, but as a whole group. Ugh!  Blah, blah, blah I went on.

By Wednesday, I found myself feeling hate and despair for my situation.  Then I got mad at myself for feeling hate of any kind, making the despair even worse.  To add to my turmoil, I realized after 12 weeks in this program, I wasn’t transformed.?.  (LOL…what does that look like?) So many programs are based on 12 weeks to major changes.  Was my old blueprint winning?  No, that can’t be.  I know too much.  I blamed enthusiasm, which has always been hard for me.  Was I ever going to get it and make real changes?  My sweet husband encouraged me that I had made a lot of progress and changes.  That this is my path, and I am taking the steps.  The gal in the mirror wasn’t convinced.  I needed to do better! I was so tired! A small pity party ensued for about an hour.

Then I saw the line that would pull me through.  In The Greatest Salesman Scroll III it is stated that  “I – avoid despair but if this disease of the mind should infect me then I will work on in despair.  I – toil and I – endure.  I ignore the obstacles at my feet and keep mine eyes on the goals above my head, for I know that where dry desert ends, green grass grows.”

It gave me hope and my world began to improve almost immediately.  Tim and I spoke about next year, and agreed it is time to move on from this career to the next which will be more aligned with my true purpose.  I choose harmony, alignment and HAPPINESS!

This week started with an exercise in the mirror.  When it was discussed, I felt I had missed something.  We were to read our 1 sentence purpose for a full 50 minutes.  Could that be right? But the time he gave us to return was 50 minutes away, so I guess I’d do it.  First of all standing at the bathroom mirror looking at myself & saying  my sentence,  all I could do was pick on my feature’s, this is wrong, that is wrong—STOP—–You read the Gal in the Glass every night, and you like her —why are you doing this?  You like you!            So changing tactics I started telling myself    ” I love you, and you are a beautiful person”  This changed the whole  feeling for me. I wrote my sentence differently several times for as I stated it over and over,  it evolved into something better!  The energy became amazing as I repeated my sentence.  I was up & down, singing it, laughing and enjoying. It was a great experience!

Nevertheless, hesitation and reluctance to answer the call raised their ugly heads. For the next couple of days the “old blueprint” attempted to reestablish itself and got me out of the flow and consistency of my exercises. But thank God for the strength he gave me to push forward.  I worked it like a to do list, but that allowed me to still be in process.

Borrowing a phrase for Og Mandino’s, Scroll III, “So long as there is breath is me, that long will I persist. For now I know one of the greatest principles of success; if I persist long enough I will win. I will persist. I will win.”

An exercise within the Master Key comes to mind this week.  One where we take an image of a battleship, then reverse into where the ship was built, how the parts were fabricated, the steel created, the appropriations secured, the House members voted upon, and then back to ourselves as the voter.  The process of reverse engineering or “battleshipping” has to be done with anything you want to occur, including cleaning out this attic or creating a new way of being and doing for the remainder of my life. My subconcious doesn’t register size.  With anything I need a clear end goal vision.

I was so excited by the new discoveries I made last week, and ideas were streaming quite nicely.   I realized I want to lead adventure trips, which means I have to be in a physical state of being to do adventure activities such as hiking, biking or scuba.  This led to some ideas of how to create a business group based on encouraging others to explore health and fitness with me as I grow into the person who can handle the fitness level requirements for such trips.  Unfortunately, I had just gotten to the ideas and end goal images, when my old blueprint started to remind me how far from that person I might be.  Then, excited and supportive for my insights, my husband asked what my plan was, in order to be of assistance.  At this moment, I nose-dived.  I didn’t have a plan yet.  I didn’t even have a belief yet.  Just a “wow, I want to do that”.   I hadn’t crossed the veil of make-believe into a new reality.  I panicked.  What if I never had a plan?

I  spent the next two days not feeling well, overwhelmed by discipline problems in my class at school and not looking for a plan.  I was being too tired to do more than the required.  Luckily for me, these days the required includes time to read and sit with the positives of the Master Key Experience.  This habit pulled me through and I began to go back to “battleshipping” this new life I want for myself. There are many skills I will have to improve in order to set my life on this path I am envisioning, as well as, to be able to enroll others to support and explore or participate with me.  But I believe more today than yesterday, and I will continue with the Law of Growth.  As I believe, so shall I see!